How many years do separated couples need to forget their feelings?

According to a study conducted by psychologists at the University of Illinois, it takes an average of 8 years for people to completely free themselves from emotional attachment to their ex-partners. These results were published in Psychology Today.

The study involved 328 adult participants, with an average age of 30, and 57 percent of the participants were women. All participants had experienced romantic relationships that lasted at least two years and had ended. Their average relationship duration was 4.6 years, with an average of 5 years since the relationship ended.

Participants were asked questions about their thoughts and feelings regarding their ex-partners. They discussed whether they liked spending time with their ex-partners or felt safe with them. They also provided information on whether they had entered new relationships and who initiated the end of their mutual relationships.

According to the statistical analyses by the researchers, feelings towards an ex-partner gradually fade over time. That is, almost all people stop loving their ex-partners as time passes.

However, it takes an average of 4.18 years to lose half of this attachment. Therefore, complete forgetting takes 8 years. Some participants were observed to retain stronger feelings towards their ex-partners even after many years compared to strangers.

The study also showed that new relationships or the participant's gender do not significantly accelerate the fading of feelings. The most influential factor was continuing communication with the ex-partner. The more contact maintained, the longer the attachment lasted.

Additionally, those who were more anxious remained more attached to their ex-partners for a longer time. Interestingly, having children with an ex-partner strengthened emotional attachment, but this attachment faded more quickly than for childless couples.